Brain Unload
Posted on 5 August 2011 | 2 responses
Here’s the thing: I don’t believe in writer’s block. What I do believe in is fatigue and disinterest. Over the past four months I’ve been battling more of the former than the latter, coupled with a measure of depression. That said, I’m fairly confident I’ll be working on Last Mage until it’s completion sometime during the winter in time to start another project. It will have been two years since I began this iteration of Last Mage and several years since I first had the idea.
But I digress here. The true reason for this post is for me to work out what exactly it is that I want to start working on in general. Lucky you, right? You have the opportunity to peek into my tiny little mind and see exactly what it is that’s going on in there. Well that and see a bit of the behind-the-scenes.
As it stands I have some ten projects that I want to work on and get off the ground. Let me list them for ya:
imagechaos, the podcast
imagechaos.tv, the webcast
alorium.com, the production studio
LastMage, the ebook
LastMage, the podcast/audioboo
LastMage, the book trailer
Dark Sky, Bright Prince, the website
Heller, Darkly, the serial
One World Emperor, the serial
The Extraordinary Adventures of Travis and Dean, the audiodrama
So, on any given night, these things are all floating around my head. Floating and floating, but never really finding a solid perch on the vast expanse of laziness that I like to call my brain.
But this is not at all to say that I don’t want to do any of these things, it’s just that I’ve been spending my time doing other things. Watching movies (I probably see about five a month in the theatre and who knows how much Netflix and Hulu…), playing video games, (see my post on my anticipated games of the next year), and in general just messing about on the internet not being particularly productive.
So, I’ve decided to make some changes.
First, I’m going to start working out. I know that sounds odd, but t do some of my best thinking while moving. Indeed, I once wrote over five-hundred words while I walked from the Metro to my home – a 10 minute walk. More than just the creative impetus for this is the fact that I really need to get healthy. I constantly deal with health issues and the like and I think it might help a bit with depression.
Second, instead of going straight home each evening, I will stop by either the café, the library or the Garden Room and spend an hour writing. It doesn’t particularly matter what it is that I write, just that I do so. I’ve never been one to particularly care all that much about editing during first passes, so that’s not a huge concern to me.
Third, cut down video-game time in favor of research and project time. These things that I listed above are things that I’m really interested in! So it should be simple to simply supplement gaming with this. The problem, though, is that gaming offers immediate gratification. I can sit down and level in an hour. I can’t sit down and create an entire production studio in an hour. And I know what it is that you’ll say regarding long term projects, they feel awesome oce you finally finish them. And I get that, I really do. I get that the sense of accomplishment that comes from a project well done is so much better than simply leveling up, but damn it if sometimes I just need that fix.
Fourth, get out more. For those of you who follow my twitter and my various presences online, you’ll understand that I pretty much hate humanity. Not in a species sense, but in a human condition sense. That is to say, I don’t understand why people always want to go out drinking or do drugs or don’t communicate between each other. It’s tiring being around folks for any length of time, which I find hilarious because I find human interaction fascinating. Still, I want to make it a point to go out and meet people more often than the never I do so now.
Welp, my train is almost at the station (literally), so I’ll sign off.
Cheers and stay tuned,
Eckhart
P.S. My good friend and fellow writer Justin Diehl has issued me a challenge: Write a full 100k word novel by the end of September. If he beats me, I’ll have to buy him a copy of the new Elder Scrolls game. If I win, he’ll have to do the same for me. Hmm… could this be the motivation I needed?
Locomotion and Plans
Posted on 12 July 2011 | No responses
I am working on a couple of different things nowadays. Writing, podcasting, blogging, web development and now video development. More information as it becomes available. But stay tuned for more information!
Battling
Posted on 5 July 2011 | No responses
It has been my experience over the past few years that life is a series of battling. Battling poverty, battling heartache, battling fate. It seems to me that each person’s own battles consume their lives. Sometimes they lose, but more than often, they win. Truly, if we always found ourselves losers, the world would be in a much more dire state. Still, we sometimes find ourselves on the non-victorious side of the conflict, despite, or in spite of, our best efforts.
These past few months I have been in battle. Not against hordes of enemies or an ancient terror, but from stress. Stressed caused by money, as I’m sure many of my readers can relate. Stress from work. And, more, I find myself battling a dark depression.
For those who know me and interact with me regularly, this may come as a surprise. I endeavour to put on a positive affectation. I Laugh, I joke, I am conpanionable. But what is not seen is how very tired I am. How I live with pain both physical and mental. How the deep darkness hovers and threatens.
I find myself battleweary. Disgusted by the lack of communication between humans; between people who should be able to behave like adults. Tired of having to act as if everything is alright. Tired of the lonliness and the quiet and the noise. I feel as though the world spins while I remain the same. The world progresses while I stagnate. Others grow while I simply am.
I imagine this is one of the many facets that simply makes us human, these battles. But wouldn’t it be nice if that weren’t the case?
As I write this I sit in my local Five Guys, enjoying fries while thinking about the facts of my life. How it might change, how it might grow.
I am so very tired and I look to tomorrow as an old warrior might view a dark, desolate battle field.
Hiatusi
Posted on 24 May 2011 | 1 response
According to the data that I have available to my, I haven’t produced anything on my suite of sites for more than three months. That is LastMage, this blog, my podcast and my rant-blog are all in a state of hiatus. In addition, there are projects that have been getting underway that are now stalled, many of which I haven’t been working on publicly. I wonder at why every now and again I hit these periods of hiatus. I stop, reflect and look inside to find the answers. Then I realize the truth.
Videogames.
I swear to Bob on High, that videogames will be the death of my foundling career. I’m beginning to get some notice and just when I rope people in, when my metrics start to grow, my brain rebells and I’m back down to square one. Is it a fear of failure? I don’t know, but I do know that these videogame companies need to stop releasing these darn things and my friends need to stop roping me in to these things. These past three months are a graveyard of dead progress and won games. Let me share with you what I’ve been playing.
Team Fortress 2: I usually hop on this to decompress after I get home from work. Then I look up and it’s effing 11 pm.
Terraria: I lost two whole days with this beast.
Rift: Don’t get me started.
Fable 3: Just released by has already eaten a lot of my time.
I really need to just… stop playing games. I really need to get back on that horse. Help!