Contradictory Emotions
Posted on 14 February 2012
For all my depression, I’m an optimist. For all my introversion, I enjoy company. For all my fatness, I enjoy running. What do these contradictions say about me? Am I a korean Scotsman? Probably not. Well, definitely not, I’ve checked my closet and there is no sign of bagpipe or kilt (though, I wouldn’t be adverse to wearing one every now and again). I think my contradictory nature says a lot about my writing process and a even bigger amount about my life.
You see, the process of writing is emotionally draining for me. I cry when things get dramatic. I get stressed when action hits. I experience the sensation of falling when my characters plummet from a great height. I feel the heart-sinking sensation of dread when their plans go to crap. I’ve spoken to other writers about this, and while they echo something similar, I don’t get the feeling that they experience these things with the sharp acuteness that I do.
And I suppose that this is the heart of my strange contradictory life. I live with my emotions within, experiencing them with ferocity, yet that which I share with the world in my day-to-day life is, well, mundane. I suppose one of these days I need to throw a right proper temper tantrum. When I do, I’ll record it on youtube.
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